Grass

No, it's NOT what you think!!! I love the smell of cut grass. I think of that now because I mowed about 3/4 of my lawn today. I would have mowed the rest but my wife thought I should cook dinner by charring some animal flesh (well it's all jumbled up and squished together animal flesh) on my king size grill. I love my grill. It is truly a monument to excess and all that was wrong with our country the past few years. It will hold 32 1/3 burgers. How do I know? I have had that many on there when we have had company over. Anyway, I grilled our dinner and it was wonderful. I enjoy grilling, the smell, watching the meat sweat just before you turn it over (that's how you know when it's ready to turn, it sweats on top) and listening to the sizzle as the "meat sweat" hits the flavorizer bars on my grill and it then spews up a heavenly scent and steam as the meat settles in for more cooking. There is nothing better than the smell of fresh cut grass and bar b cue. It is ethereal. It is sublime and it is delicious both to look at the lines in the grass and to smell the aroma of meat percolating on the grill. It was a good day. We cooked 8 burgers and still have 3 left over. Things are smaller now. Will I get a smaller grill? - NO - because I love my monument to excess and I want to have the option of grilling another 32 burgers when our house once again fills with the sounds of family, friends, kids, friends of kids and just the white noise that comes from a full house. As I sat in our swing in the backyard with my wife while dinner was grilling, I looked out on the grass and thought to myself, "I love grass. It smells so good."

Church

I love church. To me it is fun. Not the kind you go hang out and mess around kind of fun but a different, more profound fun, I guess to be equated with joy which is more lasting than fun which tends to be ephemeral and temporary. Both are good to have and enjoy but joy is where I want to be with my goals. It had been almost a month since we went to a normal Sunday schedule of church. We were in Cancun 3 weeks ago, Chicago 2 weeks ago and at church last week but a non-traditional event. It was good to be normal again (I just wish I could be normal as my kids can tell you as well as their mother) but I was "normal" in my Sunday habit at least. I like habits. They provide a certain constancy and consistency with which we can measure our life. Surprises are good but I like the routine; i.e., work, home, church, visits, sports with the kids, dates, comfort food or just homemade food. Nothing tastes better. As we were finishing up vacation, I was ready to come home and get "normal" (abnormal for me?) again. I love to travel, experience new things, eat new things, visit new places but I like to come home, sleep in my bed with my pillow and the familiar smells and sounds of home. I think that is what I liked about church today. It was normal, there were songs, speakers, kids crying, people seeing each other, enjoying each other's company, just being together in joy and peace and happiness. The only thing that would have made today more perfect would have been if all of my children and grandchildren had been at church with us. I guess that is our goal, to make sure we will all be together. I know it is tough to get together here with kids to the 4 corners (it seems) of the US but we know where we want to go. If not here, then there we can all be together. I like that church re-inforces that in me: the desire to do good, set the example (not always but trying to) and bring us all together in the end. We have a legacy to leave our children, what will it be? Church helps me figure that out. I love church, it's fun.

Animated

I get quite animated about things. My voice will rise as my passion and excitement for things increase. People confuse it for anger or frustration. It is not, it is passion and animation. I get animated about food. I love food. I love to cook (as long as I don't have to clean up, I will cook all day long) and I love to eat what I or anyone, well not ANYONE, cook. I like to try different things as long as no lima beans or red beets are involved (they are abhorrent), I am good. Today we had calamari. I love calamari. The tubular ones look all right (cause you can't really tell what they are) but the baby squid, all coated and deep fried still look like baby squid. It takes a leap of faith to put that in your mouth initially. I have had really bad calamari. I have decided that the success of the calamari depends on the breading or the coating you put on it and the oil in which it is cooked. That's kind of like life. We can be horrible or good, it depends on our coating, i.e., those with who we associate and the decision we make. It's hard to make decisions sometimes. If there are two "right" choices, which one do I make? Does it matter? Which one is better? I don't know the answers to those but I do know we have to make decisions and when I do, I can get animated about them. I look at the decisions my kids have made and are making. Whom to marry, where to go to school, should I do a sport, where to live, where to work, what to do. They are faced with a variety of choices, most good, but decisions to make nonetheless. I am proud of what they have done up until now for the most part. Am I perfect? Not hardly, ask anyone. I do strive to get better every day and sometimes fall short of the mark but I do try to learn from my mistakes. Where is this all going today? It comes down to being animated and living with decisions. When we make a decision, support it and espouse it but if we are showed the incorrectnes of our decision, accept it (that's the hardest thing for me). Show some passion. Be excited and animated about what we do. I know I am. Life is so filled with spices and oil that we can either get burned with or prepared and cooked correctly. Sometimes both things happen but that is what makes life so animated: we don't always know how things are going to turn out but we do have to keep moving forward and enjoy the decision-making process. I love life and being part of the process here!

Date night

Friday night is traditionally date night with my patient wife. I like to eat, she eats so she can stay alive. I live to eat, see the conondrum? I won on our date tonight but we went to a place that she likes but they didn't have her favorite soup at that place: Cheesy Broccoli. Bummer. I got a pizza and brought most of it home to my swimmer daughter (the only one left now) who is sore from exercising and doing her dry-land training for swimming yesterday. Pain is wonderful when it is a result of putting our bodies through contortions, running and stretching that we don't normally do. It is self-inflicted but worth the price of pain in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, date night is about to start. We are going to watch a movie at home and just snuggle for a while. I miss snuggling more with my wife. I am glad we are able to do it again. I also like kissing her. The kids think it's gross but I love my wife and kissing her is fun and helps to make me feel even more loved. It's an outward expression of an inner feeling. We have a great couch for snuggling in the basement. I am looking forward to it. The movie doesn't matter so much as just being with someone I love and that puts up with me and all of my idiosyncracies. I appreciate being loved. I am looking forward to the movie, but more than the movie, the fringe benefits of our snuggling couch...

Swimming

I learned something new today. Melted ice becomes water and people actually have a sport in which they participate called swimming. I have been around the frozen version of water for the past 10 years. I was facing withdrawals but now I have a new enterprise into which I can place myself wholeheartedly: swimming. The reason I am experiencing swimming is that my baby wants to swim for her high school. This will be her first organized sport since the amoeba-based sport of soccer for 5 and 6 year olds in which she participated a few years ago. Have you ever seen little kids play soccer? It's so much fun to see their pure, unadulterated joy as they just kick the ball, doesn't matter where or towards which goal, "I kicked the ball, daddy!", was her squeal as she did kick the ball. There was a simplicity and almost heaven-like quality in the kids before the parents started worrying about stats and travel teams and such. I am sad that our country has lost its' 6 year old soccer innocence and now there is a cacaphony of words, ideas and policies that drown each other out. Where is civility? Where is measured argument? And, like the kids, where are my treats after the game? Aren't our treats as adults the relationships we foster, eventhough our opinions and politics may differ? Can't we agree to disagree and respect each other on common ground? Swimming is like 6 year old soccer: Everyone cheers for their teammates, everyone works for the common good, everyone respects the opponent, and at the end of the match, there are treats: both literal and figurative. Relationships, Capri Suns and Twinkies, is there anything better?

I love TP

I love toilet paper. I have often wondered how frustrated I would be had I been born 100 years ago and we didn't have toilet paper. It is so luxurious. You laugh and mock me?!?!?! Consider the alternative, that's all I'm saying. See; YOU love TP as well. There is another reason for this missive: I spent all day at a new high school installing TP dispensers. 108 or there abouts. That's a lot of TP when you think about it. Each dispenser holds 3 monster rolls. That should last all of about oh, 1 or 2 periods with High Schoolers but it is essential nonetheless. I manage 8 sales people that sell janitorial supplies. It's a wonderful concept: You sell something that runs out and then people need more of it. Great idea! Kind of like food, well it is food but, you know, processed.... I digress. We, the company for whom I work, have acquired a new account which is the high school that is opening for school on Tuesday but they are having their open house and opening ceremony tomorrow evening. Hence the need for the installation of the TP dispensers. Lest you get too worried, we also supply paper towels, soap and floor finish there as well as some really cool machines. But the main focus is TP. Where would we be without TP? I shudder at the thought. I am glad that I live now with so many choices and brands. One thing I have always wondered is why is TP so small in comparison to Kleenex being so big for their respective jobs... Something to ponder. My TP of choice (well it's the one my wife tells me to buy) is Charmin double soft, triple rolls. In fact, Costco has our TP on sale so I will go get some more. I don't EVER want to run out of TP. The alternatives are abhorrent. In fact, when I lived in Mexico on a mission for my church, I had to "improvise" when we ran out once. We only ran out ONCE. I have never run out again and that is my goal (well one of them and it is surely mundane) to never EVER run out again. Since that time, I haven't. It was hard not to at times with a house full of girls but there has always been a roll or 2 stashed away for use. I didn't want to expound so much on TP but, as I have noted; I love TP.

I'm Tired...

I am tired. I have been tired ever since my trip to Chicago. We did 3400 miles in 4 days. Doesn't sound like much divided up but my butt says it was as does my whole body. I commented what I did to a co-worker and he told me I wasn't 20 anymore. I commented back to him that I am not even 40 anymore. I want to rest and sleep but I can't seem to sleep the whole night anymore. I got so much going through my head (and with no hair to keep the thoughts in and somewhat contained) that I wake up and watch them flit around me, enticing yet ephemeral. They are just beyond my reach and understanding. It's weird...
My grandson got a cookie today for going to the bathroom. Not just any cookie, mind you, a CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE - baked at home!!!! I love cookies and so I called my wife to see if I could get a cookie whenever I went to the bathroom and she said no. I was sad. Why can't I get a cookie for "being good" and "doing what's right"? Why don't we reward ourselves when we do something good? I don't know but I did buy some cookies and cream ice cream to reward myself for "doing what's right". I love being able to reward others as well. For ALL of my kids (even the married ones) who are reading this: If you get a 4.0 in a semester, I will buy your books for the next semester. It starts Fall semester or whatever new semester you are starting right now or will be starting. Confused? I am not and the person to whom this is directed hopefully isn't as well. She is blonde and so was I so we understand each other on a follicle level.
Anyway, today was a good day. Work was a bit frustrating but I think we got resolved what was troubling us. I am still tired.

Change

Change is interesting. It can mean many things. For example, it's the stuff left over after we buy things. It's also the stuff my wife and kids take from the car when they want to do a Wendy's dollar menu run. Love the Double Bacon Cheese Burger! It also happens in life. Today my life changed or rather returned to what it was about 15 years ago. I wonder if change is really a return. I don't know but in this case it was a return. How? I had to mow my lawn again. I have had a couple of boys that have done that for the last while. The girls say they did it too but no one (mom) seems to remember that happening. Anyway, I mowed my lawn. It felt good but I am not as swift (yes that applies to the mental side as well) as I used to be. I was never fast but I could lumber with the best of them. I remember 15 years ago teaching my youngest son James how to mow the lawn. He would come out with me and hold onto the handle and I would stradle him as we mowed together. His brother Jared would come out summers and he would mow really well when he was younger but then he got older and moved on. About the time Jared was moving on, James was ready to go. It was a struggle for him at first but he always tried. Today I struggled a bit with the hills and rock walls but I, too, persevered and got it done. It took longer than I remember but I enjoyed the smell of the fresh cut grass (not the part where the dog crap got mixed up with the grass, however) and the sweat stinging my eyes. I guess the sweat was convenient in my eyes so I had an excuse for my tears as I contemplated change for me and my boys. It always comes.

A full day

Today started off wet. Yes, wet. There is a leak of some sort in our bedroom downstairs. I noticed it yesterday. I thought someone had knocked over some water and it was wet. Well, I was wrong. The wet spot has grown until it has taken up almost 1/2 of the carpet in our room. Laura and I had to move the mattresses, chest of drawers, armoire and the cedar chest from the room. It was heavy and hard work for a day of rest, especially when it would have been A LOT easier with some masculine help. It gave us, Laura and I time to reflect. Her comment was that we used to work like that together all of the time. My comment was that was 6 kids and 6 grandkids ago.... Yeah, I am getting old. What is frustrating is that my mind is young and tells my body to do things that it cannot anymore, yet tries to do. Wrong move! Anyway, we got it done and we are waiting for the insurance people, AGAIN.

Before all of the above-hub-bub, we were able to go to church. Well, it wasn't really church but a temple dedication. It was inspiring to hear the Prophet, one of his counselors, one of the 12 apostles, 2 of the seventies and a sister from the Primary Presidency speak. The over-arching message that I received was to go to the temple and listen. There is peace, tranquility and equanimity there that is found in no other place on earth. Even at church we compete with clothing and style but not in the temple. There are anwers and peace to be found by those seeking there.

I talked to one of my sons a lot today. It was James, back at Loyola in Chicago. He needed help putting a resume together. It's nice to be needed and useful to my children. I was also able to give blessings to 3 of my daughters (single) as they head back to school. 2 to the University and my baby to her first year of high school.

As I sit back and contemplate, I wonder where did the time go? I feel as is mentioned in the scriptures, "And it came to pass that I, Jacob, began to be old; wherefore, I conclude this record, declaring that I have written according to the best of my knowledge, by saying that the time passed away with us, and also our lives passed away like as it were unto us a dream" That is the way my life feels now as I look back and wonder where did it all go? Was I a good father? Did I teach my kids right? (I know I married right so I know our children were well taught by their mother) Have I made a difference in someone's life? Have I been sensitive to the needs of others? Have I been a good neighbor? And, the most important questions, have I been a good husband? These are the things that keep me up at night.

I think I have been sufficiently maudlin for now. I am grateful for my family. I love my children, my son and daughter in law. I love my grandkids. I want to be good. Life is what we make of it. As for me and my family, I think it is wonderful.

Kicking and Screaming

I am an old guy. I like the old ways. I like to talk instead of texting or emailing. There is something visceral about speaking with someone that one can sense nuances in voices and truly know how someone is feeling. I am, however, starting a blog to keep up with my kids. It seems they would rather blog than talk at times. "It's just easier, Dad" is the comment I get. Okay. I contemplate where my life has led me up to the present time. There has been much joy, a little sadness, some frustration but peace. 5 of my 6 children are out of our/their home. This is good to see them growing and making decisions but the tomb-like silence that reigns in our home is disconcerting. I miss the running up and down the stairs, the TV on too loud, the TV on all night with kids asleep and drooling on the couches, I miss the sound of their friends in our house. What was once filled with laughter and pranks and shouts is now, for the most part, silence. Turning the TV on too loud doesn't make up for the absence. I can only hope our youngest daughter brings MANY friends over and makes a lot of noise. Holidays will be anticipated and enjoyed as noise once again fills my life. I miss the noise and my kids but I would never obstruct their progress to what they desire. I only wish to support and cajole when necessary. I am now kicking and screaming into the modern world. Is it simpler?, No. Is it more sterile and unfeeling?, Yes, in part. Is it my lot?, I think it is. Kids, send me some noise!